I Want to Stop Relaxing

My mom relaxed my hair when I was 5 and I’ve been relaxing ever since. I’m 22 now and I really want to stop. I’m going to stop and I haven’t relaxed in four months. I see that my hair is breaking and doesn’t really grow. I get a little scared that my hair is going to fall all off. But I really want to stop the relaxing process. Should I be afraid of losing all my hair?

Thank you!

Mamita, I think that you need to refer to the post from yesterday and be brutally honest with yourself.

I know I’m going to catch flack for this, probably even from family members, but I do not approve of relaxing tender heads. I had a lot of hair growing up and I’m sure my mother spent as much time taming my knots as she did taming me. Regardless, she refused to allow me to get chemicals in my hair until I was 15; her reasoning was that I would be mature enough and ready to care for my hair on my own (within reason).  I had cousins, who got relaxers as early as 4-years-old, but one in particular has struggled with periodic thinning throughout her teens and adult life.

I cannot see your hair, or the condition it’s in, so I can only make blanket recommendations. However, if you have any new growth at all, then chances are your hair IS growing, it’s just difficult to see the progress when you have relaxed and natural hair vying for attention. As always, I recommend that you do the best you can to pamper your hair, relaxed and natural.

1. Try using Aphoghee Two Step Protein Treatment once every 6 – 8 weeks.

2. Add lots of moisture to your shampooing routine (Humecto, Baba de Caracol are my faves).

3. If you are wearing your hair straight, opt for rolos, rather than blowing it out directly. You can always pass the blower over the roots to loosen the curls.

4. If you have substantial new growth, and you’re brave…get a cut. Typically, I recommend a trim, but in this case, cut it off. It being, all of your old relaxer.

5. If you feel uncomfortable wearing short, natural hair…get a nice wig. Hell, get a few different wigs and switch it up a bit.

It’s difficult to maintain relaxed hair, when you haven’t yet learned how to handle your natural hair.

This entry was posted in Q and A. Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to I Want to Stop Relaxing

  1. maria says:

    Great answer Negra! To the person who wrote the question, you might want to look at your current regimen and see if there is anything you’re doing (or not doing) that is not allowing you to retain length. Your hair grows approximately 1/2 inch a month, but sometimes we don’t retain length because we’re not protecting our ends (the weakest and oldest part of our hair) from the elements. On top of that, relaxed hair is very delicate and its fighting against a thicker new growth. If you are a long term transitioner you should make sure that at night you are protecting your ends. You can do a protective styles at night like putting your hair in a bun, high ponytail, and/or putting on a silk cap are good ways to protect your hair when you’re sleeping. You could be using too much heat and not adding enough moisture. You should wash your hair and deep condition at least once a week. I transitioned with rollersets and I think its a great way to blend in the two textures and keep it manageable. Transitioning is a pain and I went through it myself. Worse comes to worse, you can always do the big chop and give your new growth TLC. You can rock your afro or use a half wig as Negra suggested. By the way, I relaxed my hair for 25 years and I was able to successfully transition so you can definitely do it, too! HHG!

  2. LaNegra says:

    Maria, te quiero! You always add to the conversation :)

  3. maria says:

    LaNegra, ha ha I love answering questions! Hope you don’t mind prima.

  4. LaNegra says:

    Of course, I don’t mind! That’s what it’s all about…sharing and caring, no?

  5. nini says:

    you can also get braids. until u feel comfortable with the length of your hair. then go on youtube and look at other ladies who are natural. like rusticbeauty. or blogs that are helpful. like bglhonline.com

  6. Anita says:

    Ok I’m 35 yrs old n have been relaxin my hair since 6 or 7 yrs old. I have stop relaxing and done so for 7 months so far. I have thick hair and alot of it. I can c the curls in my hair. I want to know what kind of hair treatment I can put in it to keep the curls. I didn’t even know I had curls since my mom was a beautician and started early relaxin my hair. I currently use Alter-Ego products. I do not c any kink in my hair it’s curly in the front n side of my hair. When my hair drys bc I fall asleep it’s frizzy n puffy. I hate how my hair looks like wet. I have tried so many shampoos n conditioner the only one that makes my hair soft when I use the conditioner is pantene. I have yet to find a shampoo as all of them make my hair feel hard. Any suggestions.

  7. LaNegra says:

    Hola Anita :)
    Congrats on making it so long without relaxing. It’s such a tedious transition!

    You mentioned that your hair is “frizzy n puffy” after falling asleep. Do you tie your hair in a scarf at night? If not, that’s one place to start. You can try spritzing your hair with a little water, put a little leave-in conditioner on and try finger curls or even braids, then tie your hair up. In the morning, pull your curls out, or unbraid your hair, finger comb and then spray with some sheen.

    How much relaxer do you have left in your hair? That may be why you hate the way it looks wet. It may be limp or lifeless due to the relaxer.

    As for shampoos…my favorite is no longer available. I loved Creme of Nature, but they changed the formula…hate it now. I still have some of my original formula left, so haven’t really invested in any other shampoos. However, I’m going to try Avalon to see what they have. I love some of their products, and someone else recommended one of their shampoos.

    As for conditioners…look for hydrating, moisturizing deep conditioners: Humecto, Baba de Caracol, Esperma de Ballina. There are a number of really good conditioners, but it often requires trying them out. Some products that work for me, may not work for you…but never make a judgment call if a product doesn’t work the first time. Try it two or three times before making a call. I like conditioners that contain silk proteins and even wheat proteins. They seem to work wonders for my hair.

    Also, get a really good leave in and remember to treat your hair with kid gloves. You want to pamper the relaxed hair, as your natural hair grows in. Lastly, keep a little journal of the products you use.

  8. anita says:

    Hi Negra,

    thanks for replying back. As i sd I’m 35 yrs old born US with parent from cuba and Dom Rep. I only relax my hair with kid relaxers b/c i can leave them a lil longer b/f the itching starts. I cannot use the adult relaxer b/c they are too strong and start to itch right away. I can see the new hair growth already. Right now in RI we are going through a heat wave. I had my hair blown out last wk and already it frizzed up. What kind of product can i use to hold off the frizzing and that will put curl back in my hair? I wrap my hair everyother day b/c it sometimes gives me a head ache when i let it down.

  9. LaNegra says:

    Oh Anita, I totally understand the heatwave! I blew my hair out the other day, was a complete waste. I sweated so badly, ended up puffy :(

    As for a particular product, I cannot say for sure which one will work for you. I have tried various products and find that I get a little relief from frizz, but this summer has been tremendous. I have used Paul Mitchell Skinny on my freshly washed hair and the results were nice. My ends stayed straight, but my roots still puff up.

    I hate to say this, but you may have to try a few products to see what works on your hair. You may also want to consider just wearing your hair curly until it cools off. I’ve given up fighting the humidity. I put too much time into straightening my hair, to have it ruined in a matter of minutes :)

  10. Anita says:

    Gracias negra for ur advice

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>